IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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