I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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