I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
