dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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