My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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