You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His nipple licking is glorious
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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