the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
