dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
