can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
