Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
