I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
