operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
