Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize