he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to calm my uterus...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
