i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is the high leading the old right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
