I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
