what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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