i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
