i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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