so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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