Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
