dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize