I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
