So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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