yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
