The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
