Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
