Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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