reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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