Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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