It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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