I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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