So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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