I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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