Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
