Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
