dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
