wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
