If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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