similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
