I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
