i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
