chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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