i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
