I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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