Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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