I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
