Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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