dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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