hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
