you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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