I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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