Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
