Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
