I have demons in me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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