so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have already put on my inside pants.
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