I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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