I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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