dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
