just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
