I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
