i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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